Yesterday, I was at lunch with a doctoral candidate/friend/colleague of mine, and we were talking about my research on advancing tenure-line women in business schools.

One thing we talked about is the fact that women benefit from getting a “tap on the shoulder” or a nudge encouraging them to take on leadership or advanced positions. A tap on the shoulder often comes from a sponsor or champion in the organization — and the differences in this phenomenon by gender can be seen in the data.

For example, according to the Association for the Advancement of Collegiate Schools of Business (AACSB), twice as many women (vs. men) were in the interim dean position before becoming dean. This implies that being asked to be interim is a critical stepping stone for a woman in taking on the leadership position of the dean.

However, my colleague and I wondered — is there a downside to getting a tap on the shoulder? For example, in my research among tenure-line women in top business schools in the U.S., several women pursued a PhD because a mentor (often a professor) suggested it as a career path. However, these women did not go in 100% eyes wide open — their doctoral programs were cited by some as the worst years of their life…

As we talked about this, my friend mentioned that, while she can see a light at the end of the PhD tunnel, she, too, was surprised by what she’s actually experienced as a doctoral student.

So, what does this all mean?

It means that individuals have to be self-aware enough to know when to accept advice and when to realize that their mentors/sponsors mean well, but could be wrong.
It means that sometimes, people are wrong, and if you try something, it’s not the end of the world. You can always pivot.
It means that mentors/sponsors should ask questions and really listen to what individuals are saying before pushing new opportunities.

I hesitated to even write this post, because I think the tap on the shoulder IS so important. Heck, I wouldn’t have pursued my own doctoral program without the tap I received from our president, and it’s turned out to be the best.

That being said - mentors/sponsors, you have more power than you know. Use it wisely.